Hi there! Today Pastor Nathan came again to speak about dealing with rejection/criticism, specifically focusing on the not-so-familiar story of King David and Shimei and also some other examples of living people. The large group meeting was more informal and focused on discussion that was more personal, so it was a bit hard to take notes on. Nevertheless, feel free to read on! (The story about Shimei was very interesting, you should check it out).
Leadership:
Who are leaders? They’re not only those in charge, but
people who create, who innovate, who envision the world, not as it is now, but
as how it could be. To Nathan, leaders are people who bring this into reality.
The problem is, when you do that, you kind of put a target
on your back. You’re implying that there is something wrong with the old ways
and that you’re changing old traditions. You might have a few people like that
at Caltech [who are innovative]. People who like the old ways could feel
threatened, and so leaders are subject to criticism.
Someone noticed that when she’s in a leadership position,
she criticizes herself a lot more than other people criticize her (her own
insecurities). On the other hand, in larger groups (like the Avery candidacy
debate just one hour ago) it’s so much easier to criticize people because you’re
more anonymous. We noticed that on the web, it’s so easy to say so many harsh
things without any self-censorship because you can remain completely anonymous.
Nathan says there is a difference between valid criticism and attack.
There once was a king named David, and he had an affair à
pregnancy à
murder. And then even in his own household there was chaos: brother rapes
half-sister, brother of half-sister get revenge, etc. So Absalom thinks that
this king of Israel is not very effectual, and he thinks he can do a better job
and stages a coup d’état.
2 Samuel 16:5-14
What is Shimei’s problem? He calls David a man of blood.
Some of us agree that this is true. But Shimei’s main issue with David is that
he’s killed Saul. But it wasn’t something that David did personally. In fact,
David mourned for Saul and Jonathan and their household when they died. So
Shimei’s only half right when he calls David a man of blood.
2 Samuel 16:8 Shimei is claiming that God is bringing all
this on David’s head because he caused Saul’s death. Is this really all David
bringing this upon himself? It seems like Shimei does not have what he wants
and take this opportunity to take it out on David…
2 Samuel 19:18-23
The moment David crossed the Jordan, you see Shimei again.
Do you think David handled unfair criticism well?
Someone said she’d want to see David’s tone. That could
change the meaning of the words. Well, this isn’t the last time we see Shimei,
so let’s read more…
1 Kings 2:8-9
David’s last moments, on his deathbed, rather than saying
things about how much he loves his family, he talks about Shimei to be held
guilty. And then he dies. So while he resisted the urge of murdering Shimei
when he ridiculed/cursed him, twenty years later Shimei’s still in his head.
So David has a good start, keeps a cool head twice. But if
we never confront the questions that our critics raise (not just “am I running
the kingdom well”, which are all valid), but the deeper questions (like “am I
not good enough to be here”, “maybe I’m not a really good
student/friend/spouse/pastor/etc.”) these questions never really go away. And
in fact these thoughts may sink in and stick with us for the rest of our lives.
It’s important to think “is that true about me?” David did
not deal with that question, and on his deathbed, the idea that he did not
deserve to be where he was kind of got to him.
In NY there’s a group called Improv Everywhere (they do
flash mob stuff, and other things like stage a musical in a grocery store). One
time they got a very new unknown band, and they’re playing this gig in a bar,
expecting just a couple of people. And Improv Everywhere found out about this
show, got fifty people together, memorized their names and songs and song
lyrics, even made t-shirts, and then when the band goes on stage the fifty
people just go crazy. [story goes on…] The band was very pleasantly confused,
this was a huge encourage boost and they were motivated to raise their standard
to that level. But the internet is very…easily accessible. And so people found
the Improv Everywhere site and the band’s website and started posting all these
nasty things on their site, saying they’re a joke, it was all just a prank,
etc. [We listen to clip of interview with the guitarist after this incident].
The word he used to describe the event six months later was
that it was a ‘gift’. Once he really honestly confronted those, parts of his
worst fears (insecurities since childhood of being made fun of) he was able to
overcome that. Maybe David did not do this.
Nathan went to a pastor clinic about theology stuff. He
tends to write about very controversial things that people don’t take well. So
he gets lots of harsh criticism. And when he was talking about how to deal with
criticism at the clinic, he asked “do I seem like I’m at peace?” and the others
there answered “yes”. He said, that’s because in the last two years, everything
that could have been said about me have been said, blogged, tweeted, etc. And
after all that, everything was still the same. His family still loved him, he
still had his calling from God…
We can let these lies, these half-truths, or truths, stay in
our hearts for the rest of our lives (like David, in contrast to the guitar guy
or the pastor clinic guy)…
David’s last words to his son wasn’t like “Solomon I’m so
proud of you” but more like “you gotta kill this guy.” In juxtaposition, see what
God says to his son.
And we know of another son of David who was ridiculed and
criticized and even dies and rose from the grave. And at the end…
Most/all the gospels start with Jesus’ baptism. And the sky
opens up and says, in the 2nd person, “you are my son, in whom I am
well pleased.” And if we can all start out with that love, those words from
God, we can get deal with all the criticism and not let it linger and stay with
us.
Then we prayed, and then we split into groups of 3 and
talked about any insecurities we may have due to things in the past, if there
was anything we’d want to do if we didn’t care about people’s perceptions of
us, etc. I’ll leave this part out though.
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