We talked mostly about: what it meant to be a family two thousand years ago, and therefore what are the implications of calling the church a family (These views turn out to be quite different from how we perceive family in our modern American culture!). And how do we apply these principles in our lives, in CCF, etc.
I was going to post my own notes, but Tim's are more coherent, so I'm posting his (with some edits). Read on for more! (also, if you scroll all the way down, I got some more notes on our discussion afterwards.
Introduction
Thesis: Our uniquely individualistic approach toward life and relationships, so characteristic of American society, subtly yet certainly sets us up for failure in our efforts to stay and grow in the context of the often difficult but redemptive relationship that God has provided for us.
The three most important life decisions:
1- Vocation: What am I going to do with my life?
2- Spouse: Who am I going to spend life with?
3- Residence: Where I am going to live?
We Americans pay a tremendous price for our cherished freedoms to determine our own vocational, relational, and geographical destinies.
The point of this book is not to argue whether American society or traditional ancient societies are right. Rather, we will examine the early Christian church in light of this difference between our culture and theirs.
The New Testament View of Family
Principle #1: In the New Testament world the group took priority over the individual.
Principle #2: In the New Testament world a person’s most important group was his blood family.
Principle #3: In the New Testament world the closest family bond was not the bond of marriage. It was the bond between siblings.
Jesus’ View of Family
Matthew 8:21-22
Matthew 10:34-38
Luke 14:25-27
Mark 3:31-35
Mark 10:28-30
How do we interpret these anti-family passages? The one thing we must not do is to “domesticate the tradition,” that is, to make these passages fit our own culture.
The interpretation of these is hinted at in the end of our previous section. Jesus’ goal is to set up a new surrogate family of God, independent from the world’s institutions. The word ‘hate’ in Luke 14:26 probably does not mean ‘dislike intensely’ but rather ‘sever one’s relationship with’ the family. (pg. 69)
Mark 10:28-30
It is often suggested that our priorities should be arranged as follows:
(1st) God (2nd) Family (3rd) Church (4th) Others
This view separates our relationship with God from that with the church. Our new interpretation of the faith-family suggest that our priorities should instead be arranged this way:
(1st) God’s family (2nd) My family (3rd) Others
The Faith-Family in the New Testament
Acts 4:32-35
Ephesians 4:1-6
Acts 11:27-30
2 Corinthians 8:1-5
The idea of the church as a surrogate family was widespread in the early church.
The idea of a “personal relationship with God” or of Jesus as our “personal Savior” does not exist in the New Testament. Paul uses the phrase “our Lord” 53 times and the phrase “my Lord” exactly once. The idea of a Christian separated from a local church would have been very strange to believers in the New Testament church. A personal step of repentance of faith is meant to bring a new believer into the community of the church.
Salvation in Community
(1st) Involvement in a local church (2nd) Conversion (3rd) Spiritual growth
Often the growth process of a new believer is thought to work in the order 2,1,3: conversion, involvement, spiritual growth; but in practice, it's often 1,2,3 (as stated above).
Living Together as a Family
What would Christianity look like if we truly recaptured Jesus’ vision for authentic Christian community?
1) We share our stuff with one another.
2) We share our hearts with one another.
3) We stay, embrace the pain, and grow up with one another.
The closer a Christian group approximates the strong-group, church family model that characterized early Christianity, the better the decision that are made by the group’s individual members and nuclear family units.
The Decision-Making Process in the Church
The author promotes the idea of the “wisdom council,” a group of people that members of the church can go to for advice.
Leadership in the Family of God
We need some checks and balances that allow us to move ahead with the early Christian approach to community but that at the same time prevent the group - and especially group leaders - from exercising authority in a destructive way.
Matthew 23:8-12
Church leadership must be different from cult leadership in both number and nature.
The New Testament always describes churches as being led by a group of elders, never by one man. There are six pragmatic reasons for such an approach.
1) A safeguard against abuse.
2) A safeguard against “celebrity-ism.”
3) A balanced spiritual diet.
4) A model for church family life.
5) Moral accountability.
6) Prevention of pride and discouragement.
The nature of church leadership is modeled for us by Christ.
Philippians 2:3-8
Conclusion
The following points summarize what we have learned.
- The group comes first: In the social world of the early Christians, the survival and health of the group took priority over the needs and desires of the individual.
- It’s all about family: The extended family system was the group to which people in Mediterranean antiquity expressed primary relational allegiance.
- I am my brother’s keeper: The closest same-generation family bond in the New Testament world was the bond between siblings.
- Jesus and family: Jesus viewed His followers as a surrogate family, challenged them to reconsider their loyalty to their families of origin, and modeled surrogate family values in His own life by publicly distancing Himself from His own natural family.
- Paul and the family of God: The apostle Paul expected the communities of Christians he established throughout the eastern Roman Empire to function as surrogate families, and he utilized the family metaphor to encourage his converts to act like siblings in their relationships with one another.
- The ancient church as family: The ancient church retained the family model and exhibited sibling social solidarity throughout the pre-Constantine era of early church history.
What changes need to be made to the church today to realize this vision of the church as a family? The two main aspects to consider are relational solidarity and robust boundaries.
In the area of relational solidarity, the American church has far to go. We sit in church on Sunday mornings and often have no idea what sort of hardships the people around us are going through. But the ideal of church members forming close relationships with each other is usually recognized.
By contrast, the idea of having boundaries separating the church from the world is usually not present. To significant fractions of the regular attenders at many churches, the idea of the church separating itself from the world by exercising church discipline is completely foreign.
Discussion questions:
1) Do you believe that the church family should take precedence over your natural family? Why or why not?
2) Do you believe that involvement in a church normally precedes conversion? What did this process look like in your own life? How should this impact how we share our faith with others?
3) Read again the three characteristics that the author argues should describe a healthy church. To what extent do you believe that these describe your church? CCF? Your own life?
4) To what extent do you believe the church should be involved in the decisions that its members make? Who do you ask for advice when you face a tough decision?
1)
Some people don't agree with question1. A brother mentioned Driscoll (a pastor) who places his own priorities as Christian>Husband>Father>Pastor (Christian == personal walk with God). Then we pointed out that precedence != neglect. It is quite obvious you shouldn't neglect your family (because it's unbiblical and very often leads to your children being bitter towards God--and that definitely isn't serving God!)
In regards to marriage, in 1Corinthians 7, Paul gives instructions on how marriage ought to look like in terms of a church. Also, if a believer and unbeliever are married, they should not be separated. So church family taking precedence does not mean neglect or divorce the rest of your family.
It seems problematic to put ministry first. A lot of things in the bible lead us to believe we need to do more and more. But we have to remember that no single person is called to do everything. And the idea that the only way you can follow God is by serving the community, is wrong. Maybe in our society/ in the modern day church we don't emphasize community enough, but that does not mean that it is the only way of serving God. For example, caring for your family is also a way of serving Him.
2)
Lot's of people's conception of how people become Christian is likened to a shotgun wedding with Jesus (ie. oh are you ready to become a Christian, really really? then let's say this prayer of declaration and blahblahblah)--But no, we should get to know that person first.
There are some "shotgun wedding" moments in the bible too, so I guess it's really just different for the individual...
If we involve a nonbeliever in the church, where do we draw the line for where that person can serve (eg. guitarist, usher, etc.)? This is pretty case-by-case, there's no line to draw. We're pretty sure teaching roles/ mentor positions are not an option. On the other hand, just because someone is a Christian doesn't mean you give them the job any easier (they still need to be qualified).
It's good to involve nonbelievers. Tom brought up a comparison about a city on a hill. You can talk about it all you want, but it'd be more effective to have the person walk around and check out the community there before renting an apartment (aka converting).
In fact, you should want to invite your nonChristian friends to church/small group/ large group/ etc. whatever you're passionate about! If it's something you're on fire for, the natural response would probably be inviting your friends there :) (at least we'd like to think so)
3) To what extent do you believe that these describe your church/CCF/your own life:
1. We share our stuff with one another.
2. We share our hearts with one another.
3. We stay, embrace the pain, and grow up with one another.
2. We share our hearts with one another.
3. We stay, embrace the pain, and grow up with one another.
It seems that time is more valuable than money to us, so that's more of what we'd share. To an extent, we overall cover all the points, except we don't do a good job with "stay." Since we're only here for four years, there's the temptation to invest in building relationships since there are always people leaving. Especially seniors. Don't be friends with seniors (just kidding! I personally feel super blessed by a lot of the friendships I've built with seniors here :) i hope you can benefit from those relationships too!)
4)
If you're the one giving advice, then you should make your intent clear and talk it out (like adults!)--don't just give commands. This is not meant to be an adversarial relationship.
Also, be discerning about who to ask for advice, especially if your'e the kind of person who likes to ask lots of people for their various opinions very very often. On the other hand, it seems that most people tend to not look for advice very much (our culture tells us that making your "independent choices" means you're strong, while seeking advice from others means you're weak :-/). There's nothing wrong with asking for wisdom from others--in fact, it can be super beneficial! So it's probably better to err on the side of seeking too much advice rather than too little.
Also, while it's good to get counseling from people who know you, also remember to get advice from people who're not just in your circle of friends.
And that's it for discussion! God bless. Good luck on the final stretch for classes.
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